The Shared Journey…Encouragement Coaching for Parents

Just the word “pain” almost hurts, doesn’t it?  And to think of it as a “gift” just does not sit well with us.

The challenge is to remember that  pain (or distress) of any type is a “wake up call.” Even when we don’t want to wake up.  Who loves an alarm clock amongst us? Be honest . . . if we do, it is only because it saves our proverbial butt day after day so we won’t be late for work!

In our culture we have little tolerance of or patience with pain.  We strive for things to look good and feel good. This includes physically, socially, and personally. And we feel we should be in control. Masters of our fate.

Yet pain is real. Yes, we can mitigate or soothe it, we can numb it, ignore it, or even curse or condemn it. Sometimes we can even remove it’s cause, like removing a sliver beneath a fingernail.   Pain, though, keeps us from putting our hands on a hot stove or carelessly jumping from dangerous heights. In that sense, pain serves us well.  But when it happens it is still most difficult for us to accept.

Did I say, “accept?”   (more…)

I have a notion to . . .    

Are things piling up in your life and you hardly know where to start? Are you procrastinating due to overwhelm?

Do you need a jump start?

Do some of you remember the days when it was not uncommon to see people using jumper cables to help a stranded motorist start their car?

In days gone by when car lights did not turn off automatically, it often happened that you would come out and turn the key only to be greeted by a groan from your engine. That is, if you were lucky. Because at least even with that short lived sound you knew you it was a battery problem. And you had left your lights on.  Then you looked around hoping to find someone who had jumper cables in order to connect their battery  to yours and give your it new juice!

Leaving the lights on can drain the juice out of a battery.

Being always “on” in our lives does the same to us.

Sometimes we really do need a jump start. Things feel insurmountable.

Overwhelm can lead to inertia. We get stuck in whatever gear we are in. We know we need to clean up our clutter, write our reports, lose weight, exercise, sort mail, clean the garage and gutters, practice our instruments, save money for retirement etc. etc.! On and on our lists go. But inertia sets in and we feel inadequate. We procrastinate. (more…)

WHY SMILE?

Have you ever really and truly thought about the power of a smile? It is a gift we give the world.  And like an echo, what we give out most often comes back to us.

When we see a small baby or little child, no matter our age or gender we enjoy trying to get that child to smile. And we feel great when they do

*Smiling is fun.

*Smiling is a way of honoring another.  A stranger becomes less of a stranger.  It is almost our culture’s way of saying, “I see you. We are a ‘we’ in this world and not just a ‘me’.”

*The act of smiling changes our brain chemistry immediately.  Have you ever noticed that it can change your mood state? It affects your body chemistry by the very action of moving the smile muscles.

*Smiling is the ultimate in letting our inner light shine.

So, sample smiling at some point today. It has been known to make all the difference in the world to one who is carrying an unbearable burden.  You just never know.

When I was thinking about  blogging about this or another idea for today, it so happened that I stumbled on an interesting blog site called www.wannasmile.com. You may want to check it out. I did, and it offers cute and funny pictures to ignite your own smiles.

But it was amazing that I found this quite by “accident” when I was making this decision. Another indicator that good things are in their own way just as contagious as negativity can be!  So, I believe it is meant to be our day to simply sample smiling as a source of earthy wisdom that can transform this moment into something larger than ourselves.

As you can see from his picture Solomon, the Wisest Sheep EvEr, completely agrees.

One . . . two . . . three . .  come on, you can do it . . . SMILE!  Presto, Your light switch just came on!  Thank you.

Is it good for out children?  You bet it is! 

I have been thinking of how we human/”sheep” are both complex and confusing, and predictable and programmed.

We do not like to think of ourselves as either predictable or programmed. In fact, many people do not really like to think of ourselves as being like “sheep.”  In our culture, we tend to struggle with the concept of interdependence and interconnectedness with all people.

We like to think of ourselves as fiercely independent, self-governed (in control), spontaneous, intelligent, and adaptable. After all, we are creative, powerful, smart, intentional, industrious, fluid, and full of potential, aren’t we? (more…)

 One Small Note . . . Beyond Perfect

In our culture, we are so programmed to look for and expect perfection.  Before we buy something we make sure it has not even a tiny scratch, and if it does have a flaw, we expect to pay far less for it.  Imperfection, after all, decreases its value.

Younger and younger children are encouraged and expected to excel in a sport in order to be in line for success. More and more students are taking the SAT exams several times to get a score as close to perfect as possible in order to be considered by competitive colleges. Parents feel this pressure keenly. Our children and youth are feeling it as well.  Yes, it is true that pressure for perfection starts early and is pervasive.  

Falling short of perfection to many of us means being less than or unworthy. It is tough to admit, perhaps, but it is a reality for many.

Take heart, though, this week I was reminded of an important truth about us! Taught by a child. 

You see, I had a wonderful thing happen yesterday.  A small gesture that was a reminder that little things make a huge difference in our world.

I received a precious note in the mail from our six year-old grandson, (more…)

No matter who we are as parents, teachers, care-givers, or, as I often say, shepherds of our children and youth  . . . there are “those” moments when we “lose it.”

When this happens it is usually the fear factor that sneaks up on us like a fox. Our primitive brain is programmed for survival and when we “lose it” it is because something (even if just a thought) ignited that old fear factor. At such moments, fear floods our brain and we become negative, unreasonable, and reactive or we withdraw, pout, and brood. Whichever style we tend to lean toward, let’s just say that we are not at our best.

Since the last blog article when I reminded us all to:

savor the moment . . . and . . .

surrender to love and stillness . . .

I have had to really practice and practice this.  How about you?  Yes?

It is all good, because just by doing so more frequently , we are definitely heading in the direction of correction.  And let me gently remind you that our daily goal is simply to move in the right direction (rather than achieve perfection), and we do so just one step at a time!

This morning, I was reminded of just how difficult this discipline can be. Our minds can go so fast and so far that, like a child out of hearing range cannot possibly hear us, we too leave “here” in our mind and are out of the hearing” range of our inner Voice of Love and Wisdom that calls up from our heart.

However, when we stop even for one minute, we discover our inner guiding voice has gone nowhere as it truly is always now-here.

This morning, after several moments of “zipping it” and listening, this is what I was reminded:

We do most everything from one of two emotional positions:  Love or Fear.

You cannot turn on darkness.  Have you ever heard of a darkness switch?  No one says, “Would you please turn on the darkness switch?”

You can only get darkness by turning off or blocking the light!  That is because light has a power source.

Love can be experienced as our guiding light and fear and negativity as our darkness (usually our perceived survival-self at work even when no tiger is present).

Sometimes we just need a little reminder.

The switch that turns on the light of love and compassion toward ourselves and others is forgiveness.

Use the light switch of forgiveness and watch defensiveness, attack, and negativity, (all forms of fear) suddenly dissolve in the light.

When you step back into your heart center (where love lives) you will send negativity packing with its fearful tail between its legs.  I have nothing against a fox, but fear is sneaky like a fox!

Savor this moment and surrender to love.  

And remember, you can do this anytime and anywhere. 

This morning’s blog idea comes out of my kitchen cupboard. . .   

I have many mugs, in fact more than I would care to count.  But I have a personal favorite that “says it all.”

It is a small white porcelain mug that is so well used that its glaze is slightly cracked on the inside, only adding to its personal value. This mug also has a little lid with a tiny honey bee on it and the lid can serve to keep the tea hot or as a coaster to put under it to protect the furniture. It fits oh so comfortably in my hands and is light weight.  (more…)

Wednesday’s Wisdom

What do rice, money, and honey have in common?

I wanted to share some wisdom for a midweek pick-me-upper.  And as I thought about it, my mind took interesting twists and turns, much like following a trail in the woods, knowing it was all enriching but not sure where it would lead to.

My mind went back to that day in November when on our mini-retreat we did an exercise in which three people were asked to fill their fists with coins from a bucket. With full fists they were then invited to receive a nicely wrapped gift.  You get the picture, I am sure.

And although we did not discuss this, I personally have noticed that when I drop the coins my hands still smell like the money until I wash them thoroughly.  So, ridding ourselves of the residue left over from clutching the money (beliefs) is part of the final step of letting go.

What are some beliefs you cling to that keep you from experiencing your gifts?

Oh the power of metaphors and stories to teach us deeper truths . . .

Then I got to thinking about Winnie-the-Pooh and his honey jar.  (more…)

Have you ever experienced amnesia?  You only have amnesia if you know something and forget it.  And it feels worse when you really, really know something and you forget it . . . like last weekend when I experienced a case of parenting or relationship-building amnesia.  And I believe that parenting is first and foremost about building great relationships and modeling them for our children.

Because it offered me an opportunity for personal growth and reminded me of how basic skills really are in building quality relationships, I am going to be painfully transparent in this article. (more…)